


Kryptonite

by neaf



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: Comedy, Friendship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-10
Updated: 2013-04-10
Packaged: 2017-12-08 01:55:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/755632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neaf/pseuds/neaf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when Darren's two worlds collide.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kryptonite

**Author's Note:**

> This was written after the Glee Live 2011 Tour night attended by the Starkids, which was the same night Chris pulled out the line "my sweetheart, my pookie, my Stedman".

“Chris!”  
  
His head shot up at the sound of his own name, and he glanced around to find Darren heading his way with a pair of friends in tow. Beyond them, he spotted the familiar faces of the Warblers chattering excitedly with a few girls he didn’t quite recognise from the side, but his eyes refocused as Darren bounded towards him with all the grace of a five year old hopped up on sugar.  
  
“Chris! I want you to meet the guys, this is Brian and Joe,” he introduced them in turn, and Chris smiled pleasantly, shaking their hands and nodding.  
  
“Darren!” a stage assistant barked harshly, waving him over with a scowl and an impatient hand.  
  
“Crap, hang on guys, five seconds.” Darren winced in awkward apology and slipped away to have his costume adjusted for the third time that night.  
  
Chris smiled and swayed on his feet, turning back to the two men in front of him. “I’m a huge fan of your shows,” he assured them excitedly.  
  
“Thank you! Thank you,” Brian nodded. “And we’re big fans of your work, you guys are doing amazing stuff.”  
  
With a slight incline of his head, Chris thanked them in return, and glanced over to make sure Darren was out of earshot. “To be honest, I watch the Potter musicals all the time. I mean, really. _A lot._ I just don’t say it that much around Darren anymore. You know. Gotta keep his spirit crushed firmly underfoot, and all.”  
  
Brian gasped dramatically, and his hands shot up to grip Joe’s shoulder. “Sweet jesus, Joe. Hold me. I think I’m in love.”  
  
Chris laughed, his shoulders shaking.  
  
Joe’s grin spread from ear to ear and he nodded, “Oh, we totally understand,” he said. “It’s like a team sport for us.”  
  
“I keep meaning to make jerseys,” Brian added.  
  
Chris’s broad smile dropped down into a thoughtful expression, his eyes flicking between them for a moment. “Actually,” he said slowly, “you guys might be able to help me out.”  
  
“Well we’re nothing if not eager to help a friend in need, aren’t we Joe?” Brian turned to his friend.  
  
“Of course, Brian,” Joe deadpanned. “I might go so far as to call it our duty.”  
  
Chris let a tiny, wicked smile play at his lips. “If someone were, hypothetically speaking of course, running a bet with Darren as to who would crack first on stage,” Chris ventured. “You wouldn’t happen to know of anything that might be… useful?”  
  
“Useful, you say,” Brian pondered, and made a show of stroking at an imaginary beard. “Hrm.”  
  
“Oh god,” Joe laughed, his head dipping down as he clamped a hand on Brian’s shoulder. “Pookie.”  
  
Brian’s face scrunched up with laughter, and he nodded his agreement. “Perfect. Yes. Pookie.”  
  
Chris’s brow shot up. “Pookie?”  
  
“He had this girlfriend,” Joe explained quietly, leaning in. Brian and Chris leaned in with him as his voice hushed down. “Ages ago. She was sweet, but just,” his eyes widened in emphasis, “ _wow._ ”  
  
“Wow?”  
  
“Just wow. I mean, she was a nice girl. But then she started up with the pookie,” Joe laughed breathily.  
  
“Every sentence, I swear, it was Daaaarren,” Brian tilted his head and put on a simpering expression, “Darren. Sweetheart. _Pookie._ ”   
  
Chris giggled silently, shaking his head in disbelief.   
  
“Yeah, we called him pookie for at least a good year after that,” Brian went on. “But if he doesn’t crack at that, I don’t know if you’ll get him.”  
  
“It’s like Darren kryptonite,” Joe agreed.  
  
“And not the red stuff, either,” Brian added.  
  
“The green stuff,” Chris nodded appreciatively. “Excellent. That’s perfect, okay, I’ll see what I can do.”  
  
“Mister Colfer, I believe this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship,” Brian said seriously.   
  
“I think you might be right,” Chris grinned.  
  
“Guys, I’m so sorry,” Darren loped back over, his uniform now adjusted and flawless once again. “What did I miss?”  
  
His three friends turned to him wearing unusual grins, and Darren couldn’t help but feel a little uneasy.  
  
“Nothin’,” Chris replied casually, playing with his collar.  
  
“We were just discussing the various merits of green kryptonite versus red kryptonite,” Brian said seriously.  
  
Darren narrowed his eyes at them for a moment, then laughed and shook his head fondly. “And this is why we are friends. You’re geeks, the lot of you. Giant, giant geeks.”  
  
“Oh, I’m sorry Mary-Jane,” Joe teased, flicking at Darren’s collar.  
  
Darren swatted the hand away. “Mary-Jane? I thought I was Peter Parker.”  
  
“No, no,” Brian waved a finger at Chris. “He’s Peter Parker now. That makes you Mary-Jane.”  
  
Stopping still, Darren blinked. “Wait – did I just get bumped?” he glanced at his coworker with a curious smile. “Chris?”   
  
“I’m sorry, Darren, it’s time we told you the truth,” Brian said in grave tones, placing both hands on his friend’s shoulders. “You’re adopted. We’re not your real parents. But it doesn’t mean we love you any less.”  
  
“Except we do love you less,” Joe added.  
  
Brian nodded along. “That’s true. And we’ve traded you in for a better model. Don’t think of it so much as being replaced as us upgrading.”  
  
Chris pressed his tongue to his teeth to stop from laughing aloud at the exchange.  
  
Darren pushed Brian’s hands away playfully, scrunching his nose up in amusement. “You’re _hilarious_ ,” he said wryly.  
  
“I think that’s your cue,” Chris said lightly, waving a finger to the stairs as Heather’s voice came over the speaker.  
  
“Crap.” Darren smoothed down his jacket and glanced to his old friends. “Behave – both of you. I’ll be back in a minute.”  
  
Brian and Joe blinked at him innocently.  
  
Darren turned to Chris and winked as he backed down the hall. “See you out there, Spiderman!”  
  
“You too,” Chris called back, and once Darren was out of sight he turned to the others and mouthed _pookie_ before skipping to his side of the stage.  
  
Side by side, Brian and Joe watched Chris disappear into the well of the stairs and folded their arms in unison.   
  
“Hey Brian,” Joe said with a grin.  
  
“What’s that Joe?”  
  
“I think we’re gonna need an extra jersey.”


End file.
